Yo what up bitches, this is the real ghetto ass shit mofuckas

Pictures (from top to bottom): First: toxic waste where we got our superpowers, second: sewer city, third: the sewer, fourth: the mayor's litterbox, fifth: Queen Tessandra Arentisha and her chariot of unicorns, last: gang of cats that tried to rob us

Hey bitches, it's Alice here, I know that it's been quite awhile since we last seen each other, don't get any ideas you naughty people ;). Anyways, a lot has happened since Shitty Norah and I decided to break our cats out of prison, so let me fill you in. I have to hurry about this though because Shitty Norah, the cats, and I broke into the local library after hours, because we are currently homeless and have no place to go, without internet, which really FUCKING SUCKS DONKEY NIPPLES AND ASS. While we were sleeping in our boxes Mr. Peanut Butter started crying really FUCKING LOUD, and Professor Snickers started comforting him and they started doing inappropriate things which I can't explain, because well as Shitty Norah says "I'm a prude". Anyways, Shitty Norah and I started talking to see what our next plan was going to be, such as where we were going to live and how we could get back onto our feet, we needed to soon because I had a nasty as fuck rash on my ass which was beginning to spread to my thighs, I know sick right, and I wasn't able to receive medical attention because no one cared for the homeless. The reason why is because cats feel as if they all need to be tough and independent, so when you are homeless it's every man and woman for themselves, therefore we all get dirty diapers with thirty day old shit thrown at us by cat teens and old psychotic bitch cats from Catston. While brainstorming ideas together the cats started getting to a point to where they destroyed both of our boxes by clawing and biting the shit out of them, therefore we had no type of shelter and it was the most dangerous weather in Catland in history at the current moment, there were 458 (no conversions here bitches, legit tornadoes as ya'll know them to be on earth) tornadoes within a 3 block radius of where we were at the moment. We quickly had to devise a way to save our lives so that we wouldn't be decapitated by rampant chicken jerky sausage surprise tuna cans. So we decided to open a grate in the street into the sewer, I know really FUCKING GROSS I DIDN'T WANT TO BUT FUCKING SHITTY NORAH HELD ME AT GUN POINT AND SHE THREATENED TO HANG MY RASHED ASS UP ON HER FUTURE MANTELPIECE OF HER FUTURE FIREPLACE. So off we, disgustingly, went into the sewer. When we went down there it was pretty damn dark and it smelt like cat shit and piss mixed in with tuna and human shit and piss, we decided to turn on a light and my fears were confirmed of what was down there, as I previously stated of what it smelt like. There was a sign which read "human paradise" to the left and "sudden death" to the right, so we decided to walk left. Now the first few miles were quite boring because the only things that happened was that Shitty Norah and I were puking out our meals from the day every five feet, literally five feet, and when that was gone we only puked out our stomach acids. Mr. Peanut Butter spent his time eating recycled tuna from the feces and regurgitating it for Professor Snickers. This happened for approximately 16,000 steps, I know YOU FUCKING BITCHES DON'T CRITIC MY FUCKING MATH CAPABILITIES YOU CRAZY BITCHFUCKS, I AM ABLE TO FUCKING CHECK THIS SHIT OUT FROM MY PHONE WHERE 2000 STEPS IS A FUCKING MILE YOU DUMBASS FUCKS. So we walked for eight miles and we decided to set up camp for a night, although we had nothing so the cats made us beds out of their strange collection of their hairballs, which is a rite of passage for cats to carry that with them at all times. So we slept on their hairballs, then all of a sudden a bunch of cats jumped out of the shadows at us with fish bones as swords and sharpened teeth from the sharp edges of tuna cans, and they yelled at us to give them all of our money and food, although we clearly didn't have any, but thankfully I had my cult skills and I started chanting my weird ass shit to them and they started dancing and then they drowned themselves in Cat shit and piss. After that I was pretty much beat so I collapsed and slept on the floor. After recharging my energy for six days I finally woke up and what I saw shocked me. We were in a sewer where the population was entirely made up of humans, homeless humans who had been banished there from the RACIST CONSERVATIVE PIECE OF SHIT CATS IN THIS STUPID FUCKING WORLD, THEY ARE ALL CORRUPT BECAUSE THEY CLAIM TO BE OPEN-MINDED, WHEN THEY REALLY FUCKING AREN'T. Anyways, we quickly went into a hotel and ate food, but the only thing they served there was tacos, because that's the only thing they were allowed to make, and we had to drink boiled sewer water because that's the only water they had. Then out of nowhere we heard SOME REALLY LOUD SAXOPHONE PLAYING THE IJ WAS IN THE SEWER we quickly caught up to him and he said that he was even more popular, if that was even possible, in sewer city, people have practically gave them their money freely because he was so popular. We then asked him how to get out of here safely, and he said we had to go even further though sewer city and through the sewer, so we did, we ended up traveling for EIGHT HUNDRED FUCKING MILES, although IJ lent us his F15 jet so we flew right through, the cats had to glue themselves to the front to guide us, don't ask why. Once we got back to the surface we decided to live off of the grid by breaking into people's homes and living in their closets. We first broke into the cat Mayor's house and we lived in his litter box cupboard, which was the size of the mall of America, I mean geez lou-fucking-weise how much space did the fucker need. Anyways we hid in their and stole tuna cans from the kitchen when we could, but eventually we got caught because Shitty Norah accidentally walked in on the mayor taking a shit in his litter box, which was encrusted with 4,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 cat diamonds the size of Mr. Peanut Butter, worth eight times the national debt of the United States. He quickly screamed bloody murder and within .000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 milliseconds all of his guards walked in and threw us five miles into the air over Catcity and we landed into the toxic landfill within the city, and we got some pretty damn awesome radioactive mutations, Mr. Peanut Butter was able to stretch his tail out to however long he wanted, Professor Snickers was able to grow his third leg, Mr. Peanut Butter liked that, Shitty Norah was able to shit out toxic poop the size and consistency of cannonballs, and I was able to shrink to the size of an ant and grow as tall as a double decker bus. We all quickly realized that we could use our powers to our advantage, therefore we devised a plan to find shelter, although we weren't sure which route to take BECAUSE PROFESSOR FUCKING SNICKERS AND MR PEANUT BUTTER DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION IN CAT SCHOOL AND THEY GOT HORRIBLE TEST SCORES SO THEY DIDN'T HAVE VERY FUCKING GOOD THINKING CAPABILITIES, AND FUCKING HUMANS WERE NEVER LISTENED TO IN CATWORLD, FUCK THIS STUPID ASS PIECE OF SHIT LIFE WE ALL LIVE, I MIGHT AS WELL DRINK SOME FUCKING BLEACH AND GET IT THE FUCK OVER WITH. Anyways, the cats kept coming up with ideas such as Professor Snickers should become a world famous porn star because of his new ability, and I should go into surgery to fix people's problems inside of their bodies up close and personal. ALTHOUGH, THAT WOULD TAKE TOO MUCH FUCKING GOSH DANG TIME IN ORDER TO FUCKING ESTABLISH THAT. Carrying on, we eventually decided, AFTER THINKING FOR FUCKING THREE WEEKS, that we would put Catcity under siege and demand a three bedroom two bathroom house, with a pool, a finished basement, and with a minimum square footage of 800 square feet. As soon as we had our plan in action we went to work. Mr. Peanut Butter stretched his tail around the city four million times, where he was able to create a wall around the city to where no one could get in or leave. Shitty Norah shot her toxic cannonball shit at all of their food supplies such as farms and grocery stores. Professor Snickers slapped people with his third leg while showing it off, FUCKING STUPID ASS PROFESSOR SNICKERS AND HIS FUCKING STUPID ASS EGO. While I intimidated bitches by growing as tall as a double decker bus and stomping around everywhere. Although we were met with some resistance, the city's 40,000 (used to be 90,000, a bonus to the reader if they are able to figure out why within the first three minutes of reading this) cat police numbers wouldn't go down without a fight. In order to put them in order we decided to use our powers. Mr. Peanut Butter in this case was useless, I soon got overpowered, so it was left to Shitty Norah and Professor Snickers. Professor Snickers tried to slap as many cops with his third leg as he could but he soon got tired and exhausted, Shitty Norah was the only one left. Shitty Norah was backed up in an alley with her ass sticking out ready to fire, although the police force proved to be too much, THE PLAN WAS ABOUT TO FAIL. When out of nowhere, a lady by the name of "Queen Tessandra Arentisha III of PleasantView" flew in on a chariot with unicorns and she picked up Shitty Norah and she yelled "GIRL, BLAST YOUR CANNONSHIT AT THESE FUCKERS, THE MAYOR HAS DENIED ME MY TAXES FOR FAR TOO LONG, THE FUCKER OWES ME HIS 4,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 DIAMONDS OFF HIS FUCKING LITTERBOX". Considering this, Queen Tessandra Arentisha III of PleasantView gave Shitty Norah a pill which would increase Shitty Norah's shitting capabilities by 4,000,000 percent, with this the speed of her shit cannonballs was 4,000 mph, and the rounds per minute was at 4,000,000 shitballs a minute. Soon after an hour of this madness Shitty Norah was able to get rid of all of the cat police. After our success and holding the town under siege for a month, the mayor finally gave in to our demands and built us a house, and Queen Tessandra Arentisha III of PleasantView was able to take the mayor's litterbox, and their relationship was redeemed. At the end of the day we all sat in our new home and we fried up some bacon. ALRIGHT MOFUCKAS THAT'S THE END OF THE STORY. SEE YA BITCHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS