Fuck this shit bitches (I know last one was april 14th)

First: Cat Prison, Second: Ferrari we stole, Third: My cat school, Fourth: Surgery that made me look like a cat, Last: Athesit Cat.

Whattup bitches it's Norah in the club, literally I am in a fucking cat club right now, like OMG so many fucking hot cats are totally checking me out, male and female cats haha. Anyways, the reason why I am posting this, is well sort of a long story. We'll start about the time Alice came in to me watching the hit tv show "Cat's gone wild". She immediately got up and slapped me in the face for eight hours straight and it actually caused me to have my face ripped off, and because Alice is such a fucking bitch (the writer doesn't deem her to be in real life, just in this piece of shit fantasy world of fucking cats) she decided since I apparently am a big girl now and I made a decision to watch inappropriate cat videos in the living room and so that I could drive myself, ALICE IS SUCH A FUCKING PRUDE. Well, with my face completely gone I ended driving the Gosh dang fucking piece of shit rusted out 1996 chevy corsica into the neighbors house, and they didn't take it too well. First of all, their newborn kittens thought there was some kind of fucking invasion of psychotic zombie human bitches invading Catland, or is it Cattopia (shit I fucking can't remember, oh well we've only lived here for like 8 seconds, which is three years in human years) anyways say they tried to be some hood thugs and they grabbed pans and beat the shit out of me until I was almost dead, while the parents prayed to their cat gods saying "please almighty cat of catland, please heal this wretched creature which lays peacefully lifeless on our front lawn", than finally an atheist cat tackled them to the ground and clawed the shit out of their faces, and he was even nice enough to drive me in his tiny ferrari, yes tiny but luckily he shrunk me down to size with his piece of shit replica of Harry Potter's wand (J.K. Rowling owns the copyright to the name Harry Potter, I do not), anyways so we got to the hospital and I was in a coma for 2 months, now I know how Alice felt when I thought I killed her, while I was in the operating room I heard the doctors say my face needed to be reconstructed so YA YOU FUCKING UGLY ASS MOFUCKAS I GOT PLASTIC SURGERY YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had the equivalency of 500 marijuana parties in my head when I heard that fucking beautiful news, THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO PUT ME INTO ANESTHESIA, BUT THEY FUCKING DID AND IT MADE ME VERY ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After it was done I looked like a cat, which is my absolute dream come fucking true, now I knew I would get all of the hot cat's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although, I got even more pissed because apparently I LOOKED TO FUCKING YOUNG IN CATLAND AND SO I HAD TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL FOR EIGHTY FUCKING YEARS.............................................................................................................................................................................................................. (6 months in our world), THEY EVEN HAD TO FUCKING TEACH ME HOW TO SHIT IN A LITTER BOX, AND WE HAD TO DO A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PROJECT OVER IT WHERE WE HAD TO DEMONSTRATE HOW TO SHIT IN A LITTER BOX IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING CLASS, AND LET ME TELL YOU THERE WERE SOME OF THE FUCKING UGLIEST CATS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD OF CATLAND, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE, now that my rant is done I can continue on, so yes I went back to cat school for 6 months in our time and since I was half human all of the girls thought I was weird, but I still dated a bunch of cat guys way better looking than Professor Snickers, Oh ya by the way him and Mr. Peanut Butter went to Catawaii for their honeymoon, and it's illegal for cats to have even known humans there so they are in jail right now for 1,360 years, 85 human years, which is fucking ridiculous since 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of the catworld population knows a human or owns one as a pet, don't worry Alice and I killed our previous cat owners: Princess Snugglefritz and Senor Raul Carlos Delgado Garcia Gonzales the fifth, and yes he made you say his full name when talking to him every five human minutes, although that isn't illegal in Catworld. Because I was back in school I was forced to do some kind of fucking stupid activities so I went out for grooming class, where the whole time we sit there and sip tea and eat crumpets while talking about our feelings while massaging each others feet, gross right, in fact that is something very disgusting in the human world, although cats enjoy doing it here, the only reason why I did it was so I could have an activity, and it was an all you can eat crumpets night EVERY FUCKING NIGHT, and yes there was some fatass depressed cats there, and I mean fat, and all of us skinny manifestations had to pretend to feel bad for them, and that goes on for fucking four human hours, because the economy is so bad that cats go to school from 11:00 p.m. until 9:00 p.m. the next day DUE TO THE FACT OF cat parents having to work that many hours because they are poor, only .00000000000000000000000001% of cats graduate from college, out of the population of eighty billion cats. After the school year ended the last day this male cat was taking a belfie of his eight foot wide ass, human measuring system, his name was Andrew Catler, and HIS FUCKING ASS SLAMMED INTO HIS LOCKER DOOR AND IT TORE ALL OF THE SKIN AND BONE OFF MY HEAD AND SO I WAS IN ANOTHER COMA AND FOR SOME ODD REASON THEY TOOK ME TO A HUMAN RAN HOSPITAL, AND THOSE FUCKERS PUT ME THROUGH PLASTIC SURGERY AND MADE ME INTO A HUMAN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW I CAN NEVER MARRY MY DREAM CAT SEE-AY-TEE MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways so I decided to go to a club with a cat mask on in order to feed my deficencies in health. Then I came home to find Alice floating motionless in mid-air with a bunch of weird hooded cats shouting incantations at her, then there was a woosh of magic and words formed on the wall in blood that said "Norah I made some ham and potatoes for dinner, the leftovers are in the fridge, welcome home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". Even Professor Snickers and Mr. Peanut Butter were there, and I was shocked they said that they were on leave from prison but they would have to go back soon. I asked them how long had Alice been like that and they said ever since I left, no pauses six months straight. They also mentioned that Alice performed with her mind, and she ate by absorbing food through this portal she created which led to her stomach, and sometimes live cats and humans wouldn't let go off food she absorbably stole from restaurants, and that they would fly out of the portal once she absorbed their food. Then all of a sudden I decided to put a stop to this weird madness so I played "shake your fatass" by the IJ, and "Real Catiggas in da hood" by C-Pain, Alice instantly woke up from her splendor and she started break dancing at literally five thousand human miles per hour, and the hooded cats couldn't keep up so they exploded, like balloons. Then all of a sudden cat spies busted through the ceiling and windows and they tackled Professor Snickers and Mr. Peanut Butter and shaved all of their fur off and shoved them in bags made out of toxic cat nip, and they took them back to jail. Then Alice and I decided to use my smarts and her weird ritual shit to break them out of jail, so we went over to the atheist cat's house that drove me to the hospital and he invited us in, he made us some chocolate hotdog salsa surprise flavored tuna with catnip on the side for dinner, and we got drunk with him off of the catnip. While we were drunk we told him of our plans regarding Professor Snickers and Mr. Peanut Butter, he instantly started screaming like a scared human at us, which eventually grew to be so loud that it hit a frequency too high for us to hear, and so the cat police came to the house and we found his wand replica and shot out some guns for ourselves and we had a cat police shootout for six days straight, eventually we killed about 50,000 cat police and we survived, we used the cat wand to change ourselves into cats and we stole Frankie's ferrari, the atheist cat. We drove all of the way from Catreland straight to Catawaii, I know weird they built a bridge straight from Catreland to Catawaii, no stops in other countries just from one country to another. Once we got there we walked up to the prison and thought about a plan. We decided I would run across the front of the prison saying FUCK YOU CAT GUARDS COME CATCH SOME OF THIS, and so they started chasing me and alice busted through the wall, which was composed of the strongest substance in the entire universe, although Alice was able to break through. In order to sedate the cat guards inside she shot them all with her twenty human month old ham and potatoes she saved up for this occasion, and yes it took us twenty human months to plan this. They all died because they couldn't breathe, Alice kept busting through prison walls until she found Professor Snickers and Mr. Peanut Butter. She freed them along with 376,135 other fugitive cats by accident and then we climbed into the ferrari, and we summoned a lamborghini for the other two, although for some odd reason they wanted to go to Catdonald's, apparently all they ate in prison was Sausage surprise tuna and piss water. We drove back to Catreland and lived on the streets because the cat spies blew up the rest of our house that they didn't destroy before from when they busted through the windows and ceilings, we changed ourselves back into humans and we were all safe, Professor Snickers and Mr. Peanut Butter didn't have to go back to jail because we completely messed up Catawaii, the island is the most dangerous place in the world because all of the 376, 135 fugitives stayed there and they don't plan on leaving. Therefore we all found some boxes to sleep in so GOOD NIGHT BITCHES SEE ALL YALL CATIGGAS LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!