Lo Siento (Sorry for the huuuuuuuge break yall)

Hey guys, it's Alice, I apologize for not having Shitty Norah or me post on this fucking blog in a LONG ASS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The truth is Shitty Norah came back from IJ's party all super ass drunk from catnip and apparently she met Queen Catra, whom is super ass awesome from what she tells me, and because she couldn't be royalty she got super pissed off and took a sledgehammer and broke my FUCKING COMPUTER THAT I TOOK 556 YEARS TO SAVE UP FOR (22 human years)!!!!!!!!!!!!! Therefore I had to work a life of crime in order to create this FUCKING BLOG POST AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! But before we get ahead of ourselves my parents took me as a homosexual, and my apparent girlfriend, Shitty Norah, was impolite and puked catnip all over them and the food I literally shed two hundred and five pounds to make, then I had to explain that she was just my roomate and I was straight, and I planned to marry Caternie Sanders. ANYWAYS MOVING THE FUCK ON, HANG ON A SEC MY BUTTE, I MEAN BUTTHOLE ITCHES. In order to get the amount of money I needed I had to turn to a life of crime. I tried to think of ways I could get rich quick, I could sell the illegal catnip, I could sell off my body, I could be an assassin, or I could rob banks. I took my time to narrow everything down, I would easily get caught with catnip, I was considered normal in human terms but unacceptable in cat terms as far as my body goes, and I don't want to kill people. The only option left was to rob Catland's infamous banks. BUT THERE WAS ONE FUCKING PROBLEM, humans were discriminated against and weren't allowed in banks, partially because we are FUCKING HUGE COMPARED TO THE AVERAGE FUCKING CAT, sorry guys I forgot to take my FUCKING Bipolar medicine today. Therefore, I had to find a way to become smaller, I quickly went to a Cat Witch, Catmione Granger, she told me to pay her in Catland's Tuna Chili Hotdog Surprise cans, thank the lord it wasn't catnip she asked for. She ended up brewing this potion that smelt like Butte, I mean butthole, she told me to drink it and I refused. In response she clawed the shit out of me and said "I AM GETTING MY TUNA CHILI HOTDOG SURPRISE CANS ONE WAY OR ANOTHER YOU FUCKING HUMAN BITCH", she then forced the potion down my throat with a spell and I instantly puked everywhere it hurt so bad, I felt as if all my guts were flying everywhere and Catmione Granger was just sitting there laughing away. After three hours of that I blacked out. When I woke up everything was super colorful and there was loud ass music playing, all I remember seeing is a shit ton of drunk wizards and witches with butterbeer in their hands and everyone laughing, then all of a sudden the Slytherin people started shouting "Avada Kedavra" and everyone started screaming, except the Gryfinndors, instead they shot their butterbeer in the slytherin's eyes, and threw broomsticks at them. Although something peculiar was going on, I felt super TINY AS FUCK compared to all the humans, they all started poking me with their wands, ;), , and I instantly ran out of the house, I instantly noticed I WAS A FUCKING CAT, and I learned that I was an animagus, and I could also apparate, only a total of FOUR times though. I apparated home, and I was instantaneously shocked, Norah had a total of three thousand cats outside our SHITTY SHACK OF A HOUSE. They all were meowing sadly and a lot had BAZOOKAS AND FLAME THROWERS POINTED AT THE HOUSE, and strangely an old fatass history teacher was doing an irish jig in a central moshpit of 50 cats between everyone. Apparently from the news team of Channel 69 News of Catcity, Norah had gone rogue in her desires to be royalty so she went and single-handedly knocked out fifty eight Catroyalty guards and Catnapped Queen Catra, ONCE AGAIN I HAVE TO SAVE SHITTY NORAH'S ASS. Turns out though Queen Catra was enjoying herself, despite Norah tying her up into a shock chair, they were peacefully sipping tea and playing chess. I quickly ran into the kitchen and grabbed a pan and slapped Norah in the back of the head with the pan, and I untied Queen Catra. She was happy and gave me three three billion cat dollars (3 american dollars), so I went out and bought myself some new cat litter. All of a sudden everyone left and things were back to normal, so I apparated to the nearest bank Norah and I go to, where we have to wait three weeks until we're allowed to be serviced, FUCKING DISCRIMINATION. Although once I got within ten feet of the building a banker cat ran outside and asked me what I needed, I told him I was just going to look around, FUCK THAT DOESN'T SOUND SUSPICIOUS AT ALL. I ran in and threw cat litter smoke bombs, I made them at home, everywhere all the cats were knocked out and I ran into the vault, I turned into a human and I kicked at the door, it sprang open I ran inside and stole all I could take, THREE HUNDRED MILLION BAZILLION DECTILLION TRILLIONx1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 DUNG BEETLE DOLLARS (Five hundred American Dollars), then I ran for my FUCKING LIFE. All of Catworld's cat police were there, and they were shooting TOXIC CAT SHIT AT ME, I quickly apparated to the first safe place I could think of, IJ's mansion. Of course, once I got there he was having a large party, as usual, but to my surprise some Cat police took a hold of my forty five foot long braided hair, sadly I don't hold the record Catmione Granger beats me by .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 plancks, for those of you who don't know a planck is the shortest measurable length. I ran into IJ's bathroom and I appareted to my parent's house, SHIT I FORGOT THEY HATE ME, my dad ran outside with a shotgun yelling "DIE YOU FUCKING BITCH" while my mom ran towards him with a Tank yelling "DON'T YELL AT OUR DAUGHTER YOU ASSHOLE FUCK, RUN ALICE RUN", I then quickly apparated to the house where I saw Norah sitting in the living watching Cat's gone wild, but that's a story for another day.

From Top to bottom: Queen Catra, Caternie Sanders, My conservative parents, Catmione Granger, and Old fat history teacher.