Sorry for it being so long

Hey guys, how's life treating ya'll? Good? Good! Well, my life has been going pretty well thanks for fucking asking you dumbass rude pieces of shit. Haha. The thing is though, Norah has been down in the blues as of lately. It's a long story you see, which this blog post will be about. Since last time I have become perfectly sane, for the most part, and Norah has been treating me like shit ever since I woke up from my coma. I finally was able to start on my cult of teaching English to cats, my first subject was my cat Mr. Peanut Butter (Butters). Butters seemed to take it very well in fact, on the other hand Professor Snickers (snickerdoodles) seemed to hate it. Did you know cats take the personality of their owners (don't quote me on this), therefore I believe Norah has corrupted Professor Snickers. As due time went on, both cats learned how to speak english, although my cat speaks rather intelligently, Snickerdoodles here likes to call me a fat ugly slut and he asks me to get high with him from catnip. Eventually, catland made it legal for cats to marry humans, therefore Norah could fulfill her life long dream of marrying a cat from ever since she was two years old. Although, to her surprise when she propesed to snickerdoodles he abruptly refused and called her an old nasty cunt. He then continued calling her the nastiest names ever, he then left after treating her like a pimple on his ass for forty two minutes and fifteen seconds. Afterwards, he left for three days, and my oh my I wish he hadn't. Norah immediately started slapping the shit out of me exclaiming "you bitch, it's all your fault you're the one who taught him how to speak english". After doing so she started laughing like some old ass fuck drunk and high bitch from detroit. For the rest of the day she stayed in the living and she wrote my name on a piece of paper and she started stabbing it with a pencil. The second day she spent the whole time chasing me with a meat cleaver and yelling "I will stop at nothing to kill you, and I will feast on your innards", the last part of the day she threw a party, full of hippy cats and drugs such as: weed, catnip, LSD, acid and cocaine. Norah partook of all of the drugs, HELL SHE EVEN ROLLED UP EVERY SINGLE ONE AND SMOKED THE SON OF A BITCH LIKE THERE WAS NO TOMMOROW. The effects of her doing so caused her to be in a coma for five days, because of the way she treated me I decided to omit the though of taking her to the hospital. The third day, snickerdoodles came back with his wife, Queen Sharkeisha Laqueefa III of FatAssCatsAndHoes Land. Snickerdoodles immediately went to Norah's comatose body and took a three hour piss and .0000000005 millisecond shit in her mouth. He exclaimed "that's for everything all of these of putting me in suits and sex costumes for your pure sick enjoyment". He then clawed the shit out of her face. Afterwards, Queen Sharkeisha sat her fatass on Norah's face and farted for TWO WHOLE DAYS. Norah then woke up with severe pink eye and she begged for Snickerdoodles love, she even serenaded him by singing the hit rap song "Cats are the best mofuckas in the world", by the IJ. Snickerdoodles puked on her and said for her to fuck off, despite the fact of that being his favorite song. Norah then seemed to look as if she was going to go insane, she went and grabbed and harvested Queen Sharkeishas fat, and shoved it down her throat. She got thirteen foot tall scissors and cut Queen Sharkeishas body into centimeter long squares and made a soup out of her. I quickly realized she had just made my favorite meal called "Fried Fatass Queen Bitch Slut Soup". Norah and I ate for eight straight hours and then snickerdoodles was laughing his ass of for some reason. He told Norah he forgave her and said he'd reconsider her proposal, although Butters proposed to Snickerdoodles and he greatly accepted, and yes they are both male cats, who gives a fuck if they are homosexual. Norah was sad, because there was a law passed 3 seconds before they got married which stated "male cat couples can never get a divorce". Norah then became super depressed and started breaking every computer in her sight so I couldn't write this blog. In order to so, I hit her with a tranquilizer dart and now she is fast asleep, I am thinking about locking her in her room so she doesn't commit suicide.

Goodbye sweeties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Amazing Alice

P.S. I said that last part so excitingly I broke every window in all homes in the neighborhood, haha.

Left: Professor Snickers as you can see he has lost some weight! Right: Mr. Peanut Butter, I know he looks female, but he wanted to be a princess in their wedding so ya!